Once in a while, we really ought to let the oldies enjoy the privilege of a vacation. Like how Shah Rukh Khan takes a vacation with piffle like Chennai Express or Salman Khan - whoops, if that notion is to be believed, Salman has practically been taking a vacation for the past six years. Anyway, Aamir Khan decided one day to join the bandwagon and that he wants to be a part of the Dhoom franchise, a newscast which made me cough in my coffee. But I'll cut him some slack. I mean, look at the guy! He's been working on good projects, both as producer and actor, for a decade now. He ought to have some fun. Ah, but not the Yash Raj kind of fun. No, not that, please. Because the production house once sold us dreck like Neal 'n' Nikki as amusement, and my ears still hurt from the blitz. But Khan was intent on doing a Dhoom movie, so I okayed his pep.
But I'm appalled that we were sold an atrocious lie as a publicity shtick. You might've been hearing all those rumors that Khan was sold to the script, which is why he took up this incredulous step. Whoa, whoa, let me digress for a jiffy - what script? The franchise isn't popular for its script, but for its bikes, beauties and baddies on bikes who get the beauties. We know that, but the question is - do they? I think they do, because I was looking high and low for a plot of some kind so that I know I haven't blown up a couple of hundred bucks just to watch the three supporting non-actors trying hard to display their fictitious acting chops. But I was sorry to find out I was a sore loser to have done so.
About the movie, well, not all of it sticks. What do I expect from the guy who last made Tashan? I mean, taking that into account, I wasn't expecting a great movie. I just wanted a film that could indemnify the torment that Tashan was. To be fair, Dhoom : 3 is not as bad as Tashan.
To be nasty, Dhoom : 3 is a masterwork in comparison. Acharya still hasn't done away his habit of thinking that his overtly cheesy lines will earn him wolf-whistles. And it's sad because the gloriously untalented Uday Chopra gets to say them, which makes me dislike him even more. Abhishek Bachchan doesn't exactly complete a dream-team with him, does he?
We start off with a withering magician trying to pull off a class act that can save his circus from being gobbled up by a greedy bank because of an unpaid debt. And, in the blink of a eye, we're in downtown Chicago, breathtakingly shot by cinematographer Sudeep Chatterjee. A bank has been robbed - yes, that's how we start a heist film in this country - and the thief whizzes past the dumbfounded police on a bike, which is an old cliche that the police are simply twits who can't pull themselves together. As we protrude the many lows and scant highs of Dhoom : 3, we find that there isn't much to like. Except, of course, Aamir Khan who manages to kind of salvage a shockingly amateurish movie.
You might've guessed from the trailer that there isn't anything more than Aamir Khan in this twaddle. The trailer was like,"There's Aamir! Look! Look, he can ride a bike! Look, he can twirl a hat! Look, he can mouth a dialogue!", and yeah, there isn't anything more to it. Saddens me to say that, really. Because I actually believed for a moment that there was a script he liked and Acharya wrote it.
Coming back to the preposterous plot, I won't delve much into it. Because there isn't one to delve in in the first place. We have a seriously pissed-off protagonist, who wants to avenge his father's humiliation. By the time the chase sequences, which had the a few of the most abused slow-mo cuts I've ever seen, were done and dusted with, I was cringing in my seat trying to let the schmaltz waft over me. It was like being chained to the wall and made to listen to a sickly fairytale which you've already listened to a few hundred times. That's not a pretty picture, no. Nolanesque fans with ears as sharp as a dwarf's might've already picked up the big twist. I won't reveal it here, but if you don't know about it, like this woman who sat behind me in the theater who let out a loud gasp, you might feel differently after the sly revelation.
I don't know why they made this one, I really don't. I liked the first Dhoom, which was enjoyable and vexing but a damned good time. I loathed the second Dhoom : 2, loathed it with all my heart. Because, firstly I don't like Hrithik Roshan, I don't like Aishwarya Rai, I don't want to see them together and I still saw them together at the end of it.
Aamir Khan makes Dhoom : 3 better than I thought it would be because, well, he is a terrific actor. There isn't a single lapse in his marvelously controlled performance. The other three are squandered though. What, you want to listen to how I felt about their performances? I'm stultified enough to even think about it now.
I was never hog-wild about the franchise but don't you go wagging your crooked finger at me and accusing me of disliking this film because of that. Acharya is better off writing movies, I feel, if this is the kind of baloney he keeps coming up with. This one is a Christmas dampener.
