Handpicks : My Top Twenty-Five Hindi Films Of All Time.

I've been working on this list for a very, very long time.

For two decades, I've been amusing myself with the quirks and minor wonders of Hindi films, their exaggerated, impassioned imitations of the world we live in and their attempts to make believable drivel that is fascinating and enervating to watch.

It's not an easy task, this. I've combed through thousands of Hindi movies I've watched, re-watched, half-watched and almost-watched to handpick twenty-five films that made twenty-five days of my life worth reminiscing about.

I have made the list in the alphabetical order because that has made my job much easier.

And, as we all know, in this country with any list comes a share of undeserved obloquy. So, let me warn you that I haven't included Sholay or Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge on my list. Nor Lagaan or Rang De Basanti.

Alright, have your heart-attack.

• Aakrosh (1980)

Savoir faire, they call it. This is what this film is.

Biting, relentless, earthy and crucially untamed, Govind Nihalani's excellent debut hits you right between the eyes. You won't get it out of your head. No fucking way.

• Abhimaan (1973)

In a scene in Hrishikesh Mukherjee's Abhimaan, Amitabh Bachchan's character signs an affectionate autograph for a doting fan. And the next moment, the book is snatched out of this hand by the same fan and handed to Jaya Bahaduri, who plays his sylvan wife-turned-superstar.

The reason I mention this sequence is because in a single expression - jealous and enraged, silent and brooding - that caresses his face, Bachchan shows us why the big B in Big B should stand for brilliant instead. And that adjective pretty much describes the whole film.

• Anand (1971)

There isn't anybody who hasn't watched Anand. And there shouldn't be.

• Andaz Apna Apna (1993)

It's really difficult to write a script whose every line is a quotable quote.

This farce is really a bunch of gags pretending to be a film, but it is so incredibly funny that its wit remains nonpareil to this day. I've watched it forty times. You?

• Ardh Satya (1983)

Ah, the magic of depravity is a subject I'll never get tired of. The same could be said of Ardh Satya.

It's eerily familiar, fantastically engaging and altogether brilliant. Salman Khan should learn a thing or two from this, really.

• Bandini (1963)

Bimal Roy was a master of realism, and his phantasmagorical final feature is nothing less. 

• Chashme Buddoor (1981)

Friends are manifest assholes.

And it's such a joy when Sai Paranjpye decides to let us know what she has observed about them. Bask in her observations like there is no tomorrow. Like the Chamko Washing Powder, this film shines too.

• Deewar (1975)

Three things : a mother, a tattoo and Amitabh Bachchan. These three make Deewar Deewar, if you know what I mean.

• Do Bigha Zameen (1952)

Those who crib and crib about our films not being as good as Iranian virtuoso Majid Majidi's, watch this small masterpiece. And keep your eyes wide open.

• Ek Doctor Ki Maut (1987)

This chilling portrait of a defeated man trying to be taken seriously haunted me for a long time. Tapan Sinha's little-knownchef d'oeuvre yanks you in its world and then ferociously guts you. Try escaping it. 

• Guide (1965)

It still plays at Cannes every year in the Classics section, you know.
Not Dev Anand's best, not Goldie's best, but still a fantastic piece of cinema. R.K. Narayan wasn't too pleased with this wily adaptation of his book though. Amen.

• Ijaazat (1987)

An old-fashioned love triangle except that's it's pretty a la mode. Gulzar's best film, hands down, heads up. Oh, la, la! 

• Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron (1983)

A pertinent film even today, Kundan Shah's whimsical black-comedy used to be my favorite film as a kid. A decade and a half later, it still is. You'll never enjoy anything more than watching this loony mob take a collective potshot at the Mahabharata. 

• Kalyug (1981)

When a troop of the finest actors of the '80's go apeshit on the big screen in a modern rendition of the Mahabharata, what you get is a blistering thriller about a dysfunctional Indian business family indulging in greed. Go dig.

• Masoom (1983)

While Deewar schooled us on the importance of having a Maa, Shekhar Kapur's masterful debut does the same with a bit more diplomacy. 

• Mirch Masala (1987)

Like the red-hot chili it glorifies, this film burns and stings. It's salvation, done old-school.

• Mother India (1957)

Famously lost the Oscar by a single vote in 1957, this classic, with its maddening power and uncouth vigor, brought a whole industry to its feet. I didn't have the guts to watch it for the second time.

• Mughal E Azam (1960)

Forbidden love sounds much better in Urdu.
I'd kill for a copy of its coruscating script. Oh, and Madhubala looks drop-dead gorgeous. Pure artistry.

• Parinda (1989)

A little-known gem today, Parinda brought us Nana Patekar touching a whole new level of wacko. It's a furiously alive piece of cinema that stuns you to your core. You won't walk out of it unaffected.

• Pyaasa (1957)

"I'm not that Vijay," he goes in one scene, the defining Guru Dutt moment. While the crowd in the movie goes bananas, I went bananas for a different reason altogether. It's a masterwork, no less.

• Saaransh (1984)

Anupam Kher, twenty-nine at the time, played a seventy-something man and gave a masterclass in character acting. What it does it say to you? For me, it sure found a place on this list. 

• Satya (1999)

Ram Gopal Varma became a figure I revered after I watched this film. What went wrong after that, eh, Ramu?
Wanna know a secret? For the longest time, I considered Satya as the greatest Hindi film ever made. Alright, judge me all you want. Go on.

• Shatranj Ke Khilari (1977)

Isn't it ironic that the master directs only one Hindi film in his three-decade filmmaking career and that turns out to be one of the finest Hindi films ever made? That, my friends, is called perspective. 

• Sparsh (1980)

This is Sai Paranjpye, Naseeruddin Shah and Shabana Azmi at the very peak of their powers.
If anyone tries to remake this classic, I'll go after that damn coot with everything I've got. And I'm going to nail that damn coot, I kid you not.

• Teesri Manzil (1966)

The cult film of all cult films, this one is a nail-chewer buffed to sleek perfection. Watch, learn and watch again.